Asked this question in “Stories” & got a pretty definitive response: If you were on vacation w fam members/loved ones, & you received bad news from “back home” that only applied to you directly, but obv applied to everyone else indirectly thru their love for you, would you share on the vacation…or wait till everyone got home & back into their routines, before opening up?
71% of you said you’d share right away. 29% said you’d wait.
If I were faced w this same question a # of yrs ago, I’d be in that 29%. I think “people pleasers” defer to what’s best for others. Why mess up the good vibes? Why take others down w you? They’re there to have a great time & forget the “real world,” so it can wait a bit. What’s a couple more days?
What could apply directly to you that doesn’t apply directly to them? A break-up w a partner. A layoff from work. A test back from the doctor revealing some scary health news. The sudden & unexpected loss of a close friend.
Again, those in that 29%, I get it. If you want to protect others, you hold the pain in. But, over the last couple of yrs I’ve done a 180 on this topic. I’ve changed, bc looking back I’ve realized how others holding in their “stuff” in the same scenario, affected me in a worse way, in the long run. My own holding on to things that happened also affected me in a worse way.
OK, so you “save the vacation” or special fam time by keeping it to yourself. Do you really tho? Your fam cares abt YOU. What are you sparing? When you eventually tell them: 1) it’s till gonna be painful for them, 2) they will look back on that time, those smiling pics, & will always remember – that was the time you were in pain & forced that smile/they couldn’t be there at your biggest time of need, to help you.
Holding things in (even for days) also has big impact on YOUR health. It’s like a bottle of soda you shake. When you do open it shortly after, it explodes. Holding on to stuff, at acute times, makes it build & multiply. Bad sauce all arnd.
Obv there is no “right” answer to that question. But hopefully this discussion helps w what’s healthiest for you/loved ones.