6/23/21: When Not Fully Forgiving Can Drive Us

How often do we hear quotes like: “Forgive others, not bc they deserve forgiveness, but bc you deserve peace.”

Listen, I’m all abt Buddhist principles. I’ve studied & read up a lot on how energy can be stored/trapped in the body. No question, holding on to the “bad” stuff can eat away at us & even corrode our neurobiology.

Take a case like parents having done a child wrong, as he/she was raised. I hear this too often. The child resents the parents, grows up to be an adult, can’t forgive the parents at all for what they did TO THEM, & even tho the child now wants to be a much better parent, the resentment lives in them & eats away at them. It makes them sick. Slows them down. They get a negative feel any time they think abt those parents.

In those cases, I get the quote above. Forgive & set those feelings free. It’s taking you down.

But what abt other cases in life where ppl just flat out did you wrong situationally, & you feel you can use what they did, to drive you on to great things? Is there a person in this world who hasn’t had a chip on their shoulder abt SOMETHING someone did or said to them, that’s now pushed them to prove ‘em wrong?

Maybe I’m not the best Buddhist practicer ;)…but I LOVE looking back at a comment or an opinion shared of me. It drives me. I dont harbor resentment for the person(s)…instead I thank them, in my mind, for doing something so messed up, that I now want to prove them wrong even more. I don’t fully forgive. But I also don’t hold resentment. They are who they are. I let that be…but I also let a piece of it drive me.

Why bring this up now? Our buddy @robinlehner40 was abt AS honest as any pro athlete I’ve ever seen in a press conference the other day, in the Conference Finals. After playing an incredible game & holding the Canadiens to one goal, he said: “I came to the game four hours early. I sat for two hours & watched you guys talk shit on Twitter on me to get me motivated. It was great you know, just to see all what you guys had to say.”

Robin didn’t pretend this didn’t happen & didn’t fully forgive. He used it to drive him to greatness. No resentment, but a reframing.

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