We’ve all been in this spot. We go thru an event or situation, there’s an uncomfortable convo to be had, & we avoid it bc it’s hard…even knowing that one day we’ll have to address it. We’re wired to avoid pain, so why wouldn’t we, at all costs?
It happens in so many scenarios: can be when someone does something to us or disappoints us & we don’t feel ready to discuss. Could be a fam member or loved one where something happened that they need to know abt, but we try to insulate them from it until we believe they HAVE to know. In this case we think we’re doing the rt thing by protecting them.
The challenge to all of this pain avoidance is, over time, pain grows when it’s not addressed. It grows for you as it simmers & festers inside you (the body does keep the score), & the negative impact that happens ON the person you eventually tell gets worse over time, bc when you wait, the time that’s passed makes it more contentious & volatile.
I get that sometimes you NEED to wait. If a kid’s too young to understanding something, you can’t share until they can cognitively grasp a concept for example.
But I’ve seen too many scenarios & heard from too many ppl now that I’ve been open abt my journey, who’ve shared back what they’re holding on to that I see the havoc it wreaks & even the dysfunction it causes.
Just some more of the specific scenarios where this happens: A spouse holding back an infidelity. A parent not telling a child abt being adopted…or even in the short time that a loved one’s sick in the hopes they’ll just get better & the situation doesn’t have to be discussed. A friend disappointing another friend by not showing up for their big event, or a time of need. A friend not calling to check-in every so often to see how someone’s doing just to show them they’re on their mind. A boss at work not telling a team member abt a performance issue or on the flip, a team member at work not telling a boss abt how their management style’s impacting them.
These are all convos we eventually NEED to have. And if we go to our grave not addressing, the avoidance wears us down quicker. Don’t trade short term pain, for worse.