Feeling Lost: Not Knowing What You Want

The only thing more frustrating than not getting or achieving what you want: is not even knowing what you want :/


Thinking back to when we were little kids, things were so much simpler. At least for me, this is how it went – I had a crush on someone & my thoughts were focused on them…I had a team I wanted to make & my training was focused on the tryout…I had a school I wanted to get into & my grades & extracurriculars had to match the requirements.


They were simple 1+1=2 formulas. Some I was successful w, some I was not…but when I wasn’t, it didn’t take too long to bounce back from the “loss” & find a new goal in a similar “bucket” of life.


This formula continued even into college – work hard for the career you want to enter…network & do internships…make it happen or find a different company that’d give you a look. But fast forward to being “real world” adults & things aren’t as simple.


I’ll tell you where this post came from: part of putting my story out there 2 yrs ago is that ppl reach out w their own “stuff,” daily. Some are things they can’t control – the loss of a loved one…caring for an elderly parent. Some are things they can’t control, but, like the goals above, can doing everything in their power to try to make happen: things like trying to conceive after failed attempts – they go to fertility doctors…or going bank to bank for loans when trying to start a biz.


While it’s frustrating to not have a child right when you’d like to get pregnant…while it’s frustrating to be be able to afford the house, or the office space for a new biz start-up on YOUR timeline, you at least have a goal in mind you can throw everything in to.


But what about when you don’t know WHAT you want, & it involves big-time life decisions in some of those same buckets above. I speak to ppl in marriages all the time who love their significant other but “don’t know” if they can spend the rest of their lives w them, even after much therapy together.


I know for myself – I get caught up in “not knowing” if I’d be happy if I met someone amazing right now, bc I could start a family (something I believe I eventually want), or remaining single & not risk “making a mistake” getting deep in a relationship w someone that may not be the right fit (OK you can give me crap for fear of commitment).


Likewise I speak to folks who have been in a career for 15+ yrs, have great benefits, great salary, but they don’t enjoy what they do. They feel stuck & uncertain bc starting something new means a lot of unknowns, & w a fam to support, they are in limbo as to whether to choose the opportunity of daily career happiness, given the risks involved w such a change.


I dont know the answer. I just know – for me at least, these larger life decisions, weigh on me tremendously when I don’t have a goal to go after that’s clear. Instead of being carefree w something like dating, for example, I get on myself & wonder when I go on dates, why I don’t like someone more…or ill even fear that if I do like someone – what if I or she starts to develop feelings & then it’s not who I ultimately want to be w, & that makes me fear having to hurt them – & emotions having to be all untangled.


Life (I believe), is simpler when there are things you definitively want – & even when they don’t happen on your timeline (& there are many disappointments & hurdles), you can keep your eyes on the prize & keep going for them.


This uncertainty shit is really hard. I see how it wears on others in relationships & locked in jobs they don’t love or cities they don’t like living in…& I know how it wears on me in relationships & lack of certainty, in an area I’d like to just have carefree fun as I go through the dating process of meeting someone. If you feel like this in any area of life, you’re not alone…I’m w you 100%. And if you are listening & have your own sage advice to share, or some Buddhist teachings or something you can share (other than: let go of expectations ;)), would love to hear it!

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