7/11/21: Appreciating More As You Get Older

Heading out to the burbs today to celebrate the 2nd bday of my little nugget niece. Her real bday is Wednesday (so you’ll probably see me talk abt her then as well…just a heads up :), but obv wknds are an easier time to bring ppl together.

I’ve shared many times over the last few yrs that I don’t really love my own bdays – a reminder of yrs passing (been working on it tho). So, sharing a quote that starts w: “I love getting older”…wouldn’t be one to expect. But I guess w age, you do start to gain greater perspective.

Over the past few yrs, having difficulty getting back to my full spectrum of feelings, I’d wake up on a day like today, partially frustrated that I was going to see fam, unable to truly appreciate my time w all of them, bc of the blunting of those feelings.

And that’s where the “getting older” & maybe wiser ;), comes in to play. I look at that face on the next page, & this feeling of joy comes over me – just from looking at a pic! I can even describe WHERE in my body I feel it. Starts from the top/back right side of my head, down in like a diagonal through my lungs (oddly left side), and then wrapped around my heart. And that’s w/o even physically seeing her in person – that’s JUST from seeing her pic, & anticipating celebrating her.

That I can feel that for HER…& dare I say (even w the description above), not to the full level I’d like yet, I’m so appreciative. There’ve been times in my life I’ve felt zero for anything. Emotions on a shelf. Circuits fried.

So I’m gonna enjoy the hell out of seeing & celebrating HER today. I’m not going to freak out abt why I might not be able to feel all else arnd me…why my “levels” of emotions for diff things (singing happy bday vs taking pics as an example), & enjoying diff ppl’s connections, may fluctuate. Instead – take one thing – my adoration of my niece, & just appreciate it & allow it to be the focal point of my day.

Maybe this is where the “I can integrate lessons” part of this quote comes in to play. If getting older means being able to appreciate more bc of the perspective you gain, I can learn to embrace this getting older thing!

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