It” is one of the most disconcerting, awful feelings ever.
For those of us who’ve had MH crashes, you remember clearly what the fear of “it” is like. What is this? Why can’t I think straight or function? Why’s my ‘normal’ daily routine such a struggle – remembering to brush my teeth/shower??
Then all the “what if” scenarios come, bc you’ve never experienced this before. What if I have a brain tumor? What if this is a TBI from hitting my head in a car accident or playing sports? What if I have a blood clot that moved to my brain? What if my brain’s a soup of chemicals…& now that I feel this way the chemicals are “imbalanced” & they can never go back to balanced? What if bc of my state, I lose my house/car, & am out on the street?
The problem w ALL the above is – the very reason WHY you’re in that place – the overwhelm inside you from accumulation of the impact of challenging life events – that tipped you into an overactive Sympathetic Nervous System Response…is now getting fed even MORE.
Said more simply, your system became overstressed & now your thoughts & fears abt WHY you feel so alien, are stressing it out even more.
The good news is, once you’ve experienced that, & come out the other side, you’ve learned what “it” is. The dysfunction still scares you, but you’re able to stop the spiraling bc you know – this is my nervous system, I’m not irreparably damaged, & while I feel awful, I can accept the awfulness bc at SOME pt, it’s gonna bounce back.
This understanding is the BIGGEST deterrent I’ve had, to falling back in the hell hole I was in, for 2.5yrs of my life.
Why share this today? Last nt I found myself getting “there” again. I started this org 5yrs ago. Decided to operate as a nonprofit. Hate asking for $. Don’t like taking investors. Have taken ALL we’ve generated & put it back into tech & program creation. That’s a SCARY place to be, w no guaranteed income, & huge monthly development costs.
I’m thankful to those in my life who’ve kept me afloat. Said I could be their soft landing spot for my catastrophic thought scenarios.
However you can, w whomever’s help, you can & must: Stop The Spiral.
