5/29/21: Why Some People Keep Up Walls

When you put your own story out there so publicly, one of the results is- ppl feel comfortable knocking on your door asking for help (a lot). @theofleury14 calls it “getting run over.”

When you’re vulnerable & you share more than just a label & DSM5 symptoms, ppl naturally relate- they see some of themselves or a loved one, in you.

In Theo’s case it was the volatility at home growing up. It was the sexual abuse by his coach. It was the not knowing how to deal w the pain, so turning to every vice under the sun. Ppl came/come to Theo bc of the details of the vulnerability. He didn’t/doesn’t ever lead w- “I have PTSD & here are my symptoms.”

When I began sharing…similarly, it made sense in my own head- my “stuff” was way more relatable than my PTSD label. The sickness of my brother over that 20 yr span as a kid. Hospital visits almost daily. Terrible phone calls at all hrs of the nt. The loss of 3 close friends/same yr, just starting out life.

The things Theo shares/I share, they’re relatable to everyday ppl…they get ppl to naturally say “Same Here” in their minds, & that’s precisely why we get “run over.”

When it’s from someone suffering, who’ll do anything to get help…our roles are much easier. As peer advice givers, we have a lot of tools in our tool belts to help ppl. Someone who’s outwardly motivated, as bad of a spot as they may be in…we feel confident we can help.

But the most challenging of cases, is when a fam/friend calls us abt their loved one, who doesn’t seem motivated. They’re laying in bed/not getting up/not calling friends & they seem OK w that.

It can get frustrating- Why don’t they want to help themselves? But I think this quote COULD be one of the reasons. Often there’s so much behind their wall…they crave someone literally chiseling away at that wall & showing true/deep care, over a period of time. And prob most impt, that we don’t get frustrated w their lack of early movement…but instead hold their hand, even when they appear to NOT want our help.

We want ppl to act on our advice right away- but sometimes THEY want/need to see effort to take down their wall.

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