This is simultaneously the scariest, while at the same time, the most beautiful part of mental health struggles.
It’s the scariest bc, no matter how many times we go thru difficult dips &/or crashes in our lives, & no matter how many times we’ve been able to “pull out” of them when our drives & motivations have reached certain lows or non-existent points, our brains play tricks on us. Yes, we’ve gotten thru these hellish periods before, but there’s something about the lack of drives/motivations that warps our perception of what “can” be. It’s almost as if we can’t picture a future where things will matter once again.
And, at least for me, each dip is similar, but slightly unique when it arrives. Unique enough to make me question if I’ll ever: “get on the other side”…if my brain can ever be put back together again.
No doubt these dips are less frequent than they once were…no doubt I have more tools than ever before to handle them…no doubt they don’t last as long as they once did. But…they scare you nonetheless, bc when you’re in that mode, the tricks our brains play on us make us question – if this is the time we’ve been damaged beyond repair.
And so why is it simultaneously the most beautiful part? Bc when we get in those phases & crashes, we NEED each other. That may sound defeatist. Here we are practicing all these coping tools, & yet I’m saying we need each other?
Well, I can only speak from personal experience – I can practice all the strategies in the world, but: there’s no substitute for reaching out to my friends & those I trust, to get the reassurance that this is just a phase, we’ll make some adjustments, I’ll keep working at it, & tho it seems unimaginable, things will matter to me once again. My brain will start working once again.
There’s beauty in knowing at diff points in our lives, we need each other to get by, no matter how much experience we have. I don’t mind that. I embrace it. And currently, in one of those phases, I can tell you, I like that even w the lack of connection I feel, I ironically need your connection right now to overcome.
