3/13/21: Shielding Ourselves From Emotional Pain

I had no idea that this was even a “thing” until a few wks ago (or did I, & it just didn’t register so clearly?).
I was on that new app, Clubhouse, when a friend intro’d me to it a bit ago. The amazing thing abt Clubhouse is, it’s always “on”…even in the wee hrs of the morn, you can find ppl having convos in rooms (I’ll reserve judgement if those rooms are often genuine ;). 
That said, I went into this particular one as I was falling asleep, & there were tons of ppl in it, mostly just listening. It was probably abt 1:30am & I quickly learned why so many had congregated there: Paris Hilton was just – talking. Not much more than that. Ppl were asking her questions & what I was struck by, was how genuine & sincere, & even vulnerable & intelligent she sounded. This was NOT the “person” I knew. But was she putting on an act, here?
Apparently I wasnt the only one who felt that way, bc as the questions came in, ppl were first commenting on how diff she was coming across, than they’d thought. That’s when she shared something pretty revealing:
She said when she was picked for The Simple Life back in the early 2000s, she made up a caricature of herself, to “play the part” of this vapid/egotistical/dismissive person, bc she was afraid if she showed her true self, what ppl might say that would hurt her. She said she needed to be someone she was not, so that she wouldn’t be hurt by the feedback, directly.
Ironic bc, I was watching the documentary last night on the radio talk show host, Craig Carton, who was taken in by the FBI a few yrs ago on gambling & other charges. The folks arnd him said – he’s as good of a guy, in real life, as you’ll meet, but the “CARTON” character is something he makes up – bold, loud, brash, bc of how he really feels inside. We then come to find out he was raped at 11 by a camp counselor & had held on to that secret for 30+ yrs.
Maybe we don’t all make caricatures or ourselves in the true sense…but haven’t we in our lives dressed, spoken, interacted in a way to please others/not have our true selves judged? Like everything, it’s on a continuum…but those shares really opened my eyes.

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