I’ve been feeling super motivated lately, & that’s NOT the norm for me, as it pertains to my physical health, over the past 5+ years, so I wanted to share this learning…& maybe even provide some hope for those struggling.
When my crash happened in 2015, it hit me HARD. At the time I didn’t know what MH was. Thought it was something “those ppl” w genetic predispositions, got. The shut down to my overall system felt like I was dying inside…no way to revive myself.
When, in 2.5 yrs, you try 52 diff Rx combos, TMS therapy, & then ECT (“shock” therapy), it means you’re willing to do whatever it takes to feel better. Maybe that sounds like “motivation” but it was simply for survival.
My drives were SO burnt out, I had no idea what was happening. Fam would tell me to “go to the gym.” Any idea how hard it is to go to the gym – fine, when you feel no energy to lift a piece of paper, but -when you CAN’T picture a reward? When you can’t envision what the next day might look like -so you can’t even envision changes to your body…envision weight loss or muscle gain…you can’t picture that “event down the road” where you want to look good in that suit or dress?
If you’ve experienced this for long periods of time, you’ve likely gotten into a stretch w your nervous system where shut down’s begun to happen. There are many phrases in trauma to describe it: “freeze” or “possum” or “burnout” or “dorsal vagal” (if you read abt the polyvagal theory). Regardless, you’re one badass if you’ve gone into that phase, & yet: you’ve found ways to “act as if” & just go thru the motions. A MONUMENTAL task.
A month ago, finally getting some natural drives back -I decided to go on a physical health kick. Been crushing 12k steps & the gym just abt every day. Eating well. I was in Denver this wknd & both morning & night I literally walked the hotel room back & forth to hit my step counts while we watched TV. My friend @yell0wheart asked WTH are you doing, it’s vacation? I told her – when you’ve had to motivate w NO DRIVES, & you get some back, this is a cake walk.
I wish & KNOW that’ll happen to those of you who’ve walked this path. Rooting you on!
