2/13/21: Before We Judge Actions, Let’s Ask What Happened

Every time I’m quick to judge someone on their actions, I remind myself of this actuality. We don’t just act…just bc. We act, most often, bc we FEEL a certain way.
That feeling often (not all the time, but often), comes from an event that’s happened (TO us) in our lives. To us meaning, we didn’t get to choose.
It may be something recent like the loss of a job, a sickness of a friend, a rejection of some sort. It may also be something from the distant past we still harbor like the way a parent treated us, the one-sided ideologies shared w us abt a certain group of ppl, friends or fam members we were estranged from w/o our choosing.
These life events, lead to feelings – ones that are often uncomfortable, & then those feelings often lead to actions. Anger is one of the best examples of this. We see someone who is just “angry all the time”…& we’re quick to dismiss them as a malcontent. But, maybe we can practice a little more compassion & empathy & consider what happened to them to make them feel & act this way. 
When I read some of what I read on personal social media posts – & the hate & vitriol that’s often spewed in 100% “this or that” way of thinking, that’s when I have to remind myself, that anger abt an entire group of ppl (whatever the group make-up is) is rooted somewhere. 
Is that a pass that we should just “let ppl be angry”…no…I think as adults we have an obligation to work on ourselves & untangle what we may’ve been exposed to, that’s not serving us. But w that said, we must consider, not everyone understands how to get help, to ask for help, or is able to come up w the resources for help.
So…I don’t know if this type of thinking “solves” anything. But I’ve at least noticed w myself, things I may’ve gotten upset w, as I’ve watched someone say or post something that seems inflammatory, I’ve been able to consider what that person may’ve gone thru, before completely dismissing them. And if I can find the courage to approach a convo delicately & appropriately, I will. No guarantees but it’s a step to not just judging someone’s actions. Hope it’s helpful.

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