07/31/2022 Avoiding Hard Conversations Only Makes Things Harder

Isn’t this true in so many things in life – we default to an action that may seem easier in the moment, but in the long run makes things so much harder.

Though I’ve had posts talking abt ghosting, put that scenario aside: The avoidance of the tough convo w someone you may never see again.

Instead, here, I’m referring to relationships – & actual relationships w the ppl impt to us in our lives.  Could be a new growing friendship, or a long-time friend we’ve been close w forever…even a fam member. When we try to make things EASIER ON US, it actually makes things HARDER ON US.

In relationships – it’s usually because we avoid the tough convo abt a particular scenario – & avoidance seems easier. Too many to list in terms of how they arise w ppl we’re close to, some examples on topics we avoid:

Not being invited to a gathering you thought you should’ve been…Not getting a call or a text back when you wanted to discuss something you felt was impt…Not hearing from someone for a long time just to check in…Not being given a gift (or even a card) on an impt occasion.

These are all scenarios it would appear EASIER to not address. Why? Bc the convo abt them seems HARD. Not many of us enjoy difficult conversation…it can be awkward, confrontational, take work, etc.

But I’ll go back to a line I heard a few wks ago & shared here: What stays in the dark GROWS in the dark. 

We might think we’re making things easier by avoiding the hard convo on events like the list above & so many others. But we’re actually making them harder. If these are ppl are IN our lives, avoidance makes things grow: Animosity. Anger. Resentment. Fear. 

And while they may grow in our subconscious & appear like “no big deal” on the surface, every time we interact w that fam or friend – it’s not “no big deal.”

These types of feelings make things harder bc they damage us: increase our cortisol levels, start making our amygdala fire more, create greater inflammation in our bodies, etc.

And overall – there’s an awkwardness that just never fully goes away. Short term “pain” for long term gain. It’s worth the HARD, now, for the EASIER/HEALTHIER, later.

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