Wow do I wish this was taught to us as kids!
I can recall countless times as a child, where my emotions were what drove my behavior. And in that moment – that’s what “felt right.”
So many examples: Getting mad at a referee bc – they made such an “awful call” & I just had to let them know abt it until there was a make-up call. Screaming at a friend bc of how they’d wronged me in a decision they’d made & wanting them to feel the wrath of my disapproval for “payback.” Giving the silent treatment to girlfriend bc of how they’d hurt me, & feeling like withholding any conversation or emotions was only fair in return.
I used the words “felt right” above, & then in the examples after, it’s clear that my reactions when I was in these heightened states, were ones of revenge. That’s why they “felt right” in the moment.
When we get caught in our mammalian brains, we ACT/REACT based on emotion. In a much simpler example, is there a person on this planet who can’t relate to getting angry at what someone did to us, & then flying off the handle in response – saying mean, nasty, things we probably wish we wouldn’t have said – but that just felt right at the time we were so heated?
It’s amazing how much work it takes, but emotional maturity comes when we can heal…when triggers don’t make us fly off the handle into those mammalian brains as automatically – & we can actually THINK & assess situations, before reacting.
I probably got fewer make-up calls from those refs…friends were less apt to change…& girlfriends just dug their heels in deeper when I’d go silent to get a reaction. Just bc it feels right in the moment, doesn’t mean it’s what’s right for the best/most productive outcomes.
I marvel at old coaches like a Phil Jackson (hard to admit as a Knicks fan) who could have 3 secs left in a pivotal game, w the crowd all screaming, & look calm & collected as he drew up the perfect game-winning play.
What FEELS right is often not what’s best for outcomes when we react out of those emotional parts of our brains. Healing work helps us step out & see a bigger picture & make much better decisions.