Hinted in Stories, & a few posts, that I’ve been feeling off lately, cognitively/emotionally…& said I’d go into it more.
The last 2wks before this wknd were extremely productive for our org. In those 14 days I went from Fallsburg to Atlanta to Hofstra to LA to Nevada to NYC to Orlando to Illinois to Belleville (near Ottawa) to Albany then up to Buffalo.
All impt programs: from sports team meetings to military/Nellis AFB, MH Awareness nights to teacher trainings, & even college student athlete & corporate events.
I’m not married, don’t have kids…& other than this beautiful mutt, can pretty much get on the road to do SameHere sessions when we’re called. For whatever reason, the inbound requests the past 2wks just happened to be all over the map.
When you’re IN the moment, & you’re presenting – then get to go back to hotels to relax, watch some TV, make some calls, your adrenaline carries you. You’re thinking abt logistics of the next trip to the next city & whether you’ve checked-in for your flight. That pace has been my default for far too long.
I did it when I played in sports. Did it when I worked in pro sports. I do it now. It’s an addiction. It keeps me getting my dopamine hit. But when I’m not careful – like I wasnt this last trip, it knocks the cr&p out of me.
What do I feel now, when I get like this? Describing it as “Not Okay” doesn’t only fall short…but when I say that phrase to myself, it makes it feel like I’m “giving in,” that in perpetuity, I’m just never going to feel “better.” At best, the saying should be: “It’s Okay Not to Feel Okay, Sometimes.” That would at least subconsciously tell us – this is just for a period of time. We aren’t stuck this way. But even the term “Not Okay” doesn’t seem right.
When I’m “off” – it’s a strange mix. I may be able to present to a room of 500 ppl. Then get off stage & for the rest of the day: not have a desire to eat…not be interested in what’s on tv…lack motivation to answer emails…feel disassociated in a major way like I’m ‘out of body’ & can’t make sense of the world. It’s a mish mosh: some good, some awful, some strange. It’s ok to FEEL whatever you feel.