In terms of growing up in Israel with the experience of trauma, I understood personally that if trauma is not transmuted, the transmission occurs transgenerational. I have experienced transgenerational trauma transferring over to me and saw myself transferring it to the next generation, and I wanted that to stop. The current system does not address personal and transgenerational trauma, therefore perpetuating the cycle of transfer.
In terms of how having multiple sclerosis affected me, I felt tremendous shame and a sense of failure as a result. Other adolescents and young adults were able to do physical activities I wanted to participate in but couldn’t due to my physical limitations. At a young age, I had to learn how to live in a body limited by chronic disease, and yet still engage with life at a different capacity. What took someone else less effort to do, I had to invest a lot more energy physically to do.
Furthermore, going to medical school and the grueling demands of two residencies that required continuous hours of call, with no to minimal sleep was difficult. This added to my sense of frustration about my disease in addition to developing feelings that I did not live up to the medical systems expectations. I sometimes literally hobbled around on hospital rounds due to multiple sclerosis, feeling broken and ashamed of “walking funny”. While my neurologists managed the disease, they didn’t help with learning to live with a chronic disease, how it affected my sense of self, how to capitalize and cultivate the strengths that I already had, how to mourn my physical losses, yet also appreciate the gifts that it brought me, how to learn about other nontraditional modalities to maximize my health, including nutrition, movement practices.
Being both a patient and a physician, I saw how the healthcare system was focused on coming up with the correct diagnosis and prescribing medications, and then moving on to the next diagnoses. No two patients have the same “illness”, even though they may have the same diagnosis. The medical system provided cure but not care. It addressed the immediate physical need, but not how physical illness impacts patients emotionally and mentally. It also failed to address the “Mind-Body Connection” that any chronic disease brings on.