I realize now that back in high school I had a bit of manic-depression, but I thrived on the good times and rolled with the bad. It wasn’t until I was working full-time in the sports journalism world where I felt it often difficult to get out of bed. I attributed it to working late nights and then having to get up early with the kids, but until it started affecting my marriage, going to counseling and then having depression diagnosed was I able to really say, “See, I know it’s me. I’m just tired of being unhappy.” Once I started on a script of Prozac, which at the time had a lot of stigma around it because of others blaming it for their suicides, I felt this moment of clarity for the first time — all the wiring in my head felt like it was finally connecting. I realized that I had a chemical imbalance, the lack of serotonin that connected the thoughts, and the voices in there was often conflicting, which led to me doing conflicting things. Once I felt I clarity I could deal with other “real life” issues and rediscover who I might really be. I then realized that my mother was having the same sort of mental health issues, but I could not convince her to get the same kind of treatment because again there was a fear factor there and she had already moved this far in her life without treatment. I could also see it in some siblings, and later with my daughter having to deal with anxiety. I hoped I was setting an example of how to get help.

The response has been good enough that many will tell me: Please call me if you need to take a walk, I’ll do it with you. I once heard second-hand that a well-known TV sports personality who dealt with me warned others in his business to be careful of what I write. “Make sure he’s not off his meds,” he would say, not thinking it would get back to me. That was hurtful to a point, but also true so I couldn’t blame him for having that opinion. But it is the result of being honest with him and telling him that I was fighting these mental battles. I’ll take ownership of that. As long as people don’t believe you’re damaged goods, I think it’s OK to tell certain people, but make sure you have the time to explain it as well if they seem to be making judgments or false assumptions. You’re in an education mode once you let it loose that you’ve struggled with mental health complications, and not that you’ve self diagnosed it.