Today’s post comes from the discussions resulting from yesterday’s post abt the how the Spurs released their 2nd yr player, Josh Primo. I’ll get back to that story below.
So often – in schools, offices, out in the community, we judge ppl’s behaviors & offer/dole out punitive damages, w/o considering what underlies the behaviors.
Before diving deeper, it’s impt to say you can want to HELP ppl deal w their pain & resulting behaviors that follow, w/o condoning those behaviors. Especially in the case of adults, we’re absolutely responsible for our own actions, & working on ourselves. The reality is, it’s hard to face that pain & so often we see results that stem from that pain not being dealt w.
Our SameHere Schools Director, uses this example all the time: You’re driving to work, someone cuts you off w/o looking, no turn signal, makes you spill your coffee all over your new outfit. That person comes off as an SOB w no care for anyone else other than themselves. You get fired up & try to get them back by driving up next to them, screaming, making “hand gestures” & even cutting them off in return.
Meanwhile that person woke up having no idea who you are. Likely was in a fight w their spouse. Their kids were screaming they didn’t want to go to school. They have deadlines at work. And when they cut you off – they had so much on their mind, they didn’t even see you, & would apologize profusely if they knew their move made you ruin your outfit.
We judge & then act on the behaviors w/o considering the underlying events/thoughts & then pain that cause them.
In the case of Josh w the Spurs, the latest is allegations he exposed himself. My mind goes to – intrusive thoughts, impulsive behaviors, lack of impulse control – all trauma symptoms. Others may say – predator…& I get that.
We don’t know the circumstances yet. But…when he says past trauma, even in a case where the allegations are this egregious, can we ever get to a world where we can hold someone accountable, but STILL offer help to deal w the pain & resulting maladaptive behaviors? Nuanced topic that needs more discussion.
